


Interruptions

by loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS



Series: Plance Through The Years [13]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (so is lance), Awkward Conversations, Christmas Citrus, Domestic Bliss, F/M, Family moments, Lance (Voltron) Is A Sap, Soft Plance, Steamy, Vixen Pidge, light floof, pidge is a lil frisky, r i s q u é
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:02:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS/pseuds/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS
Summary: Was it too much to ask for a damn moment of peace so he could finally enjoy some sexy time with his wife?
Relationships: Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt
Series: Plance Through The Years [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1193453
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Interruptions

**Author's Note:**

> weeks late cuz i’m behind on life. better late than never i guess

“Home sweet home…” Lance muttered through a yawn as he fumbled with his key to get it in the lock.

He had one more day on call for night shift, two days off to relax, and then his next rotation would return to his usual early mornings. He loved his residency, but the switching between night and day shifts for these last few weeks were starting to get to him. Especially nights. Leaving in the evening and returning at two in the morning and only barely getting to spend enough time with his two favourite girls was hard.

And while Lance hadn’t been opposed to crossing over to Christmas day seeing some of his favourite little patients, it did make his chest hurt that he wasn’t able to spend the holiday evenings with his own daughter. Tucking her in and reading to her was their thing, and the recent night shifts had forced him and Pidge to flip their usual schedules, something that was a problem for Pidge too since she sometimes had to stay in the labs late.

And right now was the worst time. After years of polishing and working on her doctoral dissertation—to be named The Coding of Neurology or the Neurology of Coding or Neurologic Coding or something brilliant like that—she was finally given the okay by her thesis advisor to graduate in the spring and get her PhDs. Her concluding experiments were intense and lengthy, she’d gotten published for three papers already, and she was lucky Shiro allowed her to use him as a guinea pig, though Lance had gotten several calls in the past about how scarily mad scientist she could get.

(Lance knew… He had a scar from a botched bedtime play attempt to prove it).

But with Pidge so busy and him so busy, they sometimes struggled to work in enough time for their daughter. While Nova never really verbalised her distaste, he definitely could see the disappointment in her eyes when he left for work right before dinner. Pidge was doing her best to keep her spirits up, but Nova tended to act up even more when she felt neglected and giving herself a choppy haircut seemed to be the beginning of it.

Lance quietly unlocked the door to their place, noting the silence and empty living room in the apartment and feeling disappointed that Pidge was already in bed. He’d wanted to at least greet her, maybe get a couple smooches before conking. He’d be up in a handful of hours—there was no way No was going to let him try to sleep in once she got up—but he treasured the few quiet moments he and Pidge could have.

But he figured it was a lot to ask for her to stay up that late. She’d already had to wrap and set up the gifts under the tree on her own, do all the grocery shopping, and pack all three of their luggage too, so he wasn’t surprised if she’d gotten tuckered out and went straight to bed afterwards.

The living room looked beautiful though. Soft white, red, and green lights strung up along the walls, the tree littered with so many glittering ornaments and little toys Nova wanted to stick in there. The tinsel and silver ribbons streamed around it were catching the little twinkle lights and reflecting the colours along the walls like some sort of disco ball. The extra touches Pidge had added were the perfect accents to transform their place, and Lance found himself abnormally missing his wife.

He’d just have to talk to her in the morning. Right now, all he wanted was to crawl under his covers and wrap his arms around her.

Dejected, but understanding, he set his bags and the mail on the floor by the door, deciding to clean it up in the morning, and made his way straight to the shower. He scrubbed and cleaned himself slowly, making a mental list of everyone he needed to call to send his Christmas wishes. Plus, they’d be heading to his family’s place in the afternoon this year with all the other paladins for the annual holiday gathering so he had to make sure to grab toiletries. Pidge was planning to stay there the rest of the week so Nova could be with family, so Lance would probably drive there straight from work tomorrow. So to get it all done, he’d probably end up with only five hours of rest.

It was going to be rough going to work again with little sleep, but he supposed it was one more day of sacrifice he could make. Worst case, if he couldn’t sleep right, he could take melatonin.

When Lance was done, he towelled himself dry and headed out for much needed sleep. And then stopped when he saw a note in Pidge’s handwriting taped on the opposite wall that was ordering him to go check the couch.

Curious, he trudged back to living room and sure enough, resting over the back of the sofa was his white t-shirt, one of those Santa pants with suspenders to boot, a red holiday hat… and a small, fluffy, fake attachable white beard. There was another note with Pidge’s signature hacker doodle telling him to put it on. Though a little confused, he chuckled to himself and acquiesced. Pidge was weird sometimes, but he supposed this was likely for Nova’s benefit, if she woke up earlier than expected. Or maybe Pidge was trying to surprise Nova or something?

Lance fixed up the getup, making sure his itchy beard was on right by using the small decorative mirror in the hallway by their wedding photo. Once he’d made sure he was set, he slung his towel back on the rack in the bathroom and headed to their bedroom with his clothes.

Pidge was sitting patiently on the edge of the bed in her beige peacoat, one leg crossed over the other, and a glittering red bow tied on her head. Lance shut the door behind him with a confused smile, partially amused by all the glitter in her hair—something he immediately attributed to their excitable daughter—the blood red painted lips, and the shiny green eye shadow above her smoky eyes. He eyed her suspiciously, kind of unsure what the heck was going on right now.

“Hey, Dr. Claus,” Pidge remarked idly, fiddling with the sleeve of the coat as she watched Lance set his scrubs from the evening in the laundry hamper. “Work went okay?”

“No more tiring than usual. You look festive.”

He passed a cursory glance over her. She was wearing some striped candy cane thigh highs on her shapely legs. It made him wonder if they’d had plans to go somewhere tonight that he’d forgotten, and he nearly panicked. The last time he’d forgotten an important planned engagement, he’d paid for it dearly.

“Mmhmm. No spilled glitter in my hair when she was making you a card. And most of the kitchen for that matter. So don’t go in there because it’ll make you cry.” Pidge tilted her head down and he could see the concentrated splatter of glitter on her head like a wreath. “Then I realised I could make use of it to be honest.”

Lance half expected Pidge to continue her explanation further, but instead she stood up and carefully unbuttoned her coat. And when she’d finished her task, let the coat slip from her shoulders and fall in a pool on the floor around her feet.

And he stopped dead in his tracks, mouth agape.

“ _God_ …” He swallowed hard, all traces of his fatigue flying right out the window as he took her in. “I feel like I’m being a dirty old man.”

She did a little twirl, clearly struggling to keep her grin from overtaking her face. “We don’t have too much time, but I wanted to give Santa a special present. An elf to play with. All Christmas. Or _Thirstmas_ , if you will.”

“All Thirstmas?”

“All twelve days~”

“Wow. I feel like we’re doing something very wrong perverting a beloved childhood figure.” Lance whistled low, smile on his face when Pidge walked over to him, swinging her hips with a come hither playful pout on her lips. She couldn’t hold it though and started laughing when she came to a stop in front of him. “Is it bad that Santa wants to fuck one of his elves?”

“I won’t tell Mrs. Claus if you don’t.”

Pidge took hold of his suspenders, tugging him around and then guiding him to walk backwards with a hand to his chest until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. He plopped down, sliding his hands down the curve of her waist to hold her hips and watching her as she loosely clasped her fingers around the back of his neck. She climbed up and set her knees on either side of him, smiling down at him with her lower lip caught between her teeth.

And damn did she look incredible. Slinky, shimmery little green velvet number, tight on her waist, clinging to her hips, strapless, and so short any subtle movements threatened to reveal her creamy tush if not for the fluff lining the hem. How it managed to properly cover her naughty bits when it was so outrageously small was beyond him. And Lance really couldn’t help but think that he was one lucky son of a bitch.

It was cute as hell and sexy as fuck all at once, and he was sure he was about to die.

He was generally always horny for Pidge, but this getup coupled with the heat in her gaze was making his brain short-circuit. They hadn’t been able to do much recently because she was always exhausted from having to drive from university to university for conferences to present some of her findings. When she wasn’t exhausted, it was him because of long hours of work at the hospital. They made time for each other when they could, but he hadn’t expected any chance to do their thing for most of the holiday season. This was a pleasant surprise and above that, an unexpected treat.

And this was 100% a perfect reason to forget sleep, exhaustion be damned.

“So why not wanton Mrs. Claus?” Lance murmured, attempting to trail his hands under her skirt to squeeze her ass, but she slapped his hands away.

“Behave.” She leaned down, kissing along his jaw and down his neck, slowly, her little hum of amusement over his disappointed noise vibrating against his neck. “I may be your wife, but that doesn’t mean all our play should be relegated to husband/wife duos now.”

Even half a year later, he still loved hearing her call herself his wife.

“Still can’t believe we’re actually married.” Lance smiled up at her, gently stroking her thighs with his thumbs.

Her cheeks flushed the slightest. “Give it another month. You’ll be sick of me.”

“Babe, I’ve been with you for _years_ … I’m already sick of you. In it for the long haul.”

“…Your sappy shit is such a turn on.”

Pidge yanked him forward and closed her mouth over his in a hard, filthy kiss, catching him off guard, though he was certain he must have let out a weak groan when she sucked on his tongue in her mouth. He gladly let her control it, gripped her tighter when she sank her hand in his hair and deepened the kiss. Lance’s body felt hot, a rising desire for Pidge to sit on him properly growing each time she shifted closer, pressed herself against him, arched against his hands trailing along her back. He kept getting little strands of the beard hair caught between their lips, but Pidge didn’t seem to mind.

She made a sexy little noise when she sat fully on his groin, right on his erection, right where he wanted her warmth. He tried to hold her in place, but she shifted off him, lips curled up in a teasing smirk. But his breath hitched when she dragged her hand down his chest and lap before trailing her nails along the underside of his dick. It made him painfully hard. She captured his lips with her own again, leaning into him and inhaling sharply when he stroked the inside of her thighs. He wanted relief fast and simultaneously wanted the torture to continue, and it never ceased to amaze him how easily Pidge had that kind of hold on him.

And then her phone started ringing on their dresser, and they paused for a second, lips still partially attached as they glanced in that direction.

“Urgent?” Lance sighed, nuzzling her cheek with his nose.

Pidge nodded, rolling her eyes as she climbed off his lap. “Might be some work thing.”

She walked over and snatched the ringing phone off the surface, answering with an impatient ‘ _yes_?’. Lance scooted back to wait for her until his back was against the headboard, hands resting behind his head. Her lipstick was smudged off, probably mostly on his jaw and neck. Or the beard.

 _“Merry Christmas, Katie!”_ Lance heard Colleen shout through the phone. There was the pounding bass of loud party music coming in through the feedback and making it a little difficult to hear her. _“You’ve crossed over to the 25 th by now, right? Put Lance on too!”_

“Merry Christmas.” Pidge sighed and set it to speaker, shuffling back over and holding the phone between them. “He can hear you, Mom.”

_“Merry Christmas, Lance!”_

“Merry Christmas, Colleen,” Lance responded, amused by the slight slurring of her words. Her volume and excitement kind of seemed to point to her being totally inebriated. “How’s that holiday cruise going?”

 _“Oh, it’s just amazing! Sam and I haven’t had so much fun in so many years. Katie, your father says hi, by the way, but he hurt his back trying to play limbo. I’m heading down to our room to go check on him in a bit. And the weather is perfect._ _I’ve never experienced a summer Christmas before, and this has just been fantastic! Of course, I miss the hot cocoa and sitting in front of the fire, but this is so much better on our tired joints. Who wants to spend Christmas freezing their ass off anymore?”_

“Glad you guys are having fun,” Lance said at the same time that Pidge said, “ _Ass_? How drunk are you, Mom?”

Colleen went off on some spiel about the fantastic tropical drinks, the massage centre and indoor sauna, and the other fun couples they’d met and befriended on the trip. Pidge started pacing, chewing in frustration on her lower lip as Colleen started recounting the day’s events and the amazing gifts the cruise had given them all. When she started talking about Sam’s horrible dancing and how much it made her want to jump his bones, Pidge’s face took on a distinctly disgusted look. Lance waited patiently, scratching at the itchy beard on his face, and was careful not to show his amusement over Colleen’s rambling because Pidge would no doubt pick up on it.

_“Let me talk to Nova. Does she like our present?! Send pictures; I want to see how big of a mess she made. Did she knock over the tree again this year?”_

“Pending on that one. Your timing is off.” Pidge huffed out a small laugh. “Dawn hasn’t broken yet. She’s in bed fast asleep.”

_“Oh shit. I thought it was morning for you!”_

“Mom, seriously. How much did you drink?!” Pidge exclaimed, giving Lance an appalled look and mouthing ‘ _shit?_ ’ incredulously. “It’s a little after two. Call us back in like six hours.”

_“Okay! Will do! Buh-bye, honey!”_

And just like that, Colleen ended the call. Pidge shook her head and huffed again, as if trying to shuck it all out of her mind. Once she’d put her phone on vibrate and tossed it back on their nightstand, she slowly turned back to face Lance, racy look fixed on her face and hands on her hips.

“Okay.” She climbed up on their bed, gaze zoned in on him like a cat who’d found its prey. “Time to defile my sexy Cuban Santa.”

“Ho ho ho~ So where were we?” Lance chortled, patting his lap with a smirk. “Would the naughty little elf like to sit on my lap?”

“I didn’t know you were such a creep, Santa,” Pidge said, though she was half laughing as she crawled over to him. He had a perfect view down the top of her dress when she stopped in the space in between his legs. Horny Pidge was something he could never and would never be able to resist for as long as he lived. “And a pervert to boot. You’ve got everyone fooled.”

“Hey. I bust my ass one day of the year delivering gifts. Santa’s allowed some hot action too.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you…” she murmured, dropping a soft, barely there kiss on his lips.

Lance tried to lean into it, and she pulled back with a playful hum. Pidge unbuttoned and unzipped the puffy red pants slowly, taking her time with a cat-like grin. He sucked in a sharp breath when she cupped her hand around him through the fabric, only barely putting enough pressure with her palm to give him any sort of satisfaction. Lance couldn’t help the way he tried to push more of himself in her hand, but Pidge tsked at him and retracted her hand.

“Pidge—” he started, raising a vexed brow, but he was interrupted by her phone buzzing again.

He hoped it would stop, but then it kept going, and he knew it was another call. Pidge frowned, nose wrinkling in irritation as she leaned over and yanked it up to see who it was. She sighed wearily and gave him an apologetic look.

“Work?”

“Well… it’s one of my students. They have their final exam when we get back from break and I kind of told them I’d be free all break to help them with their review packet questions.” She stared down at her phone. “Emma will be travelling for most of the break for her service project, and I promised her I’d take her call anytime. I just didn’t expect her to call _now_.”

Lance waved her off. “It’s fine. I’ll wait. Do your thing.”

Pidge thanked him with a quick kiss before clambering off the bed and answering the call. She walked out of their room, her voice fading as she headed to the living room. Lance occupied his time waiting by picking at the lint on his red Santa pants, curious where Pidge even found this costume. And why she seemed turned on by the bushy beard. She’d always had eclectic taste, but this was possibly something worth looking into.

It took longer than he expected, and after several minutes of waiting, Lance tried to wake his lethargic mind up. He was starting to get a little sleepy again. But thankfully, Pidge returned a handful of minutes later, though the frustration on her face was evident. He could feel her mood had slipped, and there was no way he could let her stay like that when they’d gotten such a good vibe going earlier.

“I’m really sorry about that. This is supposed to be your time.” She set her phone aside and stared at the clock on their nightstand. “We’ve lost like fifteen minutes…”

“Such is the life of a busy grad school teacher, right? No worries.” He patted the side of the bed and when Pidge got up there, he dragged her down onto the covers and loomed above her. “Now… If I recall correctly, I believe we were about to do something nasty, wet, and loud?”

Lance leaned down to kiss her, and Pidge matched it with a smile. She pulled him more fully on top of her by the suspenders, one of her legs coming up to rub against his. He lowered himself slowly, grinding against her and relishing in the needy moan he stole from her. She reached up and looped her arms around his shoulders, gazing up at him half-lidded, her lips a little swollen, eyes gleaming with the profound love he knew he felt looking down at her too. It was dizzying. He loved the way she looked under him, angelic and seductress all at once.

“I love you so much, Katie…”

“Don’t you dare get all sappy with me now. I want it rough. Make me scream, Santa,” she said in a low voice, hooking her leg around him to keep him right where she wanted him.

That, Lance could do.

He captured her lips again, encasing her under his body. There was nothing more addicting than all her curves and arches pliant under his hands as he trailed them down her figure. And the little shiver when he pressed himself against her again. He especially loved the hitch of her breath she failed to hide when he slid his hand under her skirt to cup her. And Lance almost choked, groaning because she was the absolute worst. He expected her to be wet, but the fact she had on no panties almost undid him. And by her little snicker, she knew.

His boxers were growing uncomfortably tight the longer their pervasive, heated kiss continued. Pidge moved his suspenders off his shoulders and rucked up the hem of his t-shirt. The broke apart for only a moment to get his t-shirt off of him before they were on each other again. Lance chuckled when she pulled the suspenders back on him which ended up turning into a soft groan when her hands skimmed down his chest and trailed under the waistband of his pants and boxers. Her warm hand wrapped around him, putting just the perfect amount of pressure.

It was exactly what he’d needed for so long and heat rippled along his groin, making his spine stiffen and his forehead drop onto their pillow. She dragged open-mouthed kisses along his neck and down to his collarbone while Lance gripped the covers beside her head, bucking his hips in her hand and panting softly. He was impatient to get some relief, but he wanted them both to enjoy this, and as it was going, he was about to finish way too early.

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way~! Oh what fun it is to _ride_ the horsie in my slei- _eigh_!”

Lance lifted his head with a frown and Pidge’s hand faltered when the singing voices drifted into their window from outside.

“Did we leave the window open?” he asked.

They lived on the third floor, their rooms facing the parking lot, but usually the noise outside wasn’t that loud. Then again, the people were pretty much screaming at the top of their lungs.

“Streaking through the snow~ While the neighbour’s gettin’ laid~”

Lance snorted. “Those aren’t even the lyrics.”

“High as fuck tonight~ Laughing all the way! _HA HA HA_ ”

“Just ignore it,” Pidge said, grasping his face to make him look at her. “It’s just a bunch of stupid people.”

And he tried to, but the clearly drunken, loud butchering of a rushed, off-key rendition of Jingle Bells was not something he could just pretend wasn’t happening. They were bellowing their song at this point and stupidly making up dumber and more perverse lyrics, and while Lance thought it amusing, Pidge clearly didn’t. Her grip on him was starting to drift into pain territory and he could see the rage building in her gaze from the interruption, and if he didn’t do something soon, she’d rip his beanbags clean off. Plus they were seriously killing the mood and if he and Pidge could hear it this clearly, he was sure the noise was drifting into their daughter’s room too.

“Pidge, we need to get them to quiet down. Nova’ll wake up if this keeps up.”

Pidge looked like she was about to argue, but someone shot off a firework outside that burst in the sky with a loud enough noise that anyone who was trying to sleep might have gotten jolted awake. And the group started cheering. With a furious growl, she shoved Lance sideways and clambered off the bed, storming over to the window, ripping open the curtains, and shoving up the pane.

“ _Hey_!” She barked, holding the sill and popping her upper body out. Lance lounged on his side, face resting on his fist. The bottom of her dress had ridden up completely, and he was rather enjoying the view of her supple tush. It kind of reminded him of that time they’d gone on vacation and screwed in front of an open window in the middle of the night to live life on the edge. “It’s almost three in the motherfucking morning and my kid is sleeping! I’m trying to have a good night with my husband, and you’re disrupting us, so shut the fuck up and go play somewhere else before I punt every one of your asses into the sun!”

There was dead silence for several seconds. And then the people outside erupted in cheers and wolf-whistles and clapping and whooping.

“Hey! She’s gettin’ laid!”

“Nice outfit!”

“Can we watch, lady?!”

“ _Fuck off, you stupid drunks_!” Pidge hollered back, her face completely red as she ducked back inside quickly to hide herself.

Mortified, she slammed the window shut and drew the shades, and thankfully, the shouting and raucous laughter drifted further away. Lance knew it wasn’t right, but he couldn’t help but crack up over her seriously backfired plan. Her angry outbursts were notorious for getting people in line, but this was one time it hadn’t worked at all. Pidge glowered at him, face flushed, clearly unamused, though he struggled to get his act together. Lance clutched his stomach, absolutely dying over the look on her face, confusion, embarrassment, and anger all in one.

She slammed her hand on their dresser. “That’s _it_.”

Lance didn’t have a chance to ask what before she stalked back over to the bed and climbed on. He could hardly form a thought when she grabbed the waistband of the pants and yanked it down, snapping it clean off the suspenders. She looked crazed, like she was about to go wild, and honestly, Lance was really liking this sudden surge of aggression.

“We’re fucking. _Right now_.”

She rucked up the bottom of her dress, baring herself to him and giving him a lovely view of what he liked to call _heaven_. Lance scrambled to get his boxers off enough before Pidge flattened her hand on his chest to shove him back down and hold him still. Lance gazed up at her, completely turned on as she straddled him and splayed her hands on his chest. He loved when she got like this, when she took charge and left him breathless.

And then she sank down, and he was pretty sure his mind short-circuited, driven closer and closer to a blinding climax, his breathing harsh and uneven with each roll of her hips. Pidge’s flushed face and the soft little whimpers of his name and pleasured sighs drove him wild. It’d been so long, and he couldn’t stop pawing at her, running his hands over her thighs and the soft pooch of her belly and her plush hips. It was all he could do to keep it up because part of him was screaming to let himself go, but Pidge needed this as much as he did—probably more—so he forced himself to hold out so she could have a good time too.

And then their bedroom door swung open and smashed against the opposite wall.

“Monster!” Nova screeched, running into the room in her cow onesie like a bat out of hell, tripping on Pidge’s peacoat, and landing on the udder on her stomach in a loud thud. She crawled up to her knees with a small whimper and stared up at them with wide amber eyes, lower lip wobbling for a second as if deciding whether she wanted to cry or not.

Lance would never not be impressed with the speed with which they’d learned how to end their coupling cold turkey. Because in one breath, Pidge had hopped off of him and yanked on her bathrobe from the desk chair and he’d tucked himself properly in his pants. They’d had a lot of practice, he supposed. The flush on Pidge’s cheeks probably wasn’t going to go away any time soon, but they both let out collective sighs as the adrenaline whooshed out of them.

“And there she is.” Pidge ran a hand through her hair in defeat while Lance nonchalantly shuffled a pillow onto his lap. “Every time.”

At least they weren’t naked this time.

“We really have to fix the lock on our door,” Lance groaned, though considering Nova was the one who’d broken it in the first place when she crashed head-on into the door last month, he wasn’t sure how much good that would do.

Pidge walked around and picked up their trembling little girl with a grunt and set her on her hip. She kissed her head, cooing softly as she smoothed the tangled brown locks off her forehead. Nova sniffled and buried her face in the crook of Pidge’s neck, one of the little cow horns of the hood poking into Pidge’s nostril.

“Hey, _shhh_ … It’s okay, pookie.” Pidge scratched the back of her scalp with her nails. “I’ll go kill it with you.”

And Nova lifted her head, all traces of any fear totally gone. She grinned wide, eyes dancing mischievously.

“Great. Now that _that’s_ over with, I wanna look at the presents!”

Lance gave Pidge a fatigued, knowing look she reciprocated, and they both sighed in unison.

Pidge pinched Nova’s runny nose between her knuckles and shook it a couple times. “We haven’t left the room yet, genius.”

“…Oh. Wait.” Her face twisted up again. “Mommy, there’s a scary monster! Help me!”

Lance clapped. “A+ performance. Would have worked if you didn’t jump the gun, Pidgeon.”

“I try.”

The withering glare Pidge gave Lance had him clamming up and pretending to whistle. “You are far too clever. Proud of it, but you’re a little gremlin.”

“ _You’re_ a little gremlin!” She giggled, trying to pull her face away and smearing snot on Pidge’s fingers in the process.

Lance watched Pidge clean off her nose with a small smile on his face. He was still painfully aware of being left high and dry, but it was mediated by the catharsis found in watching his two favourite girls.

“If you ask me, you both are…” Lance rested a hand behind his head with a yawn.

“But nobody asked you,” Pidge said sweetly, though her smile had bite.

Nova turned and made the same face. “Nobody axed you, Papi.”

Lance couldn’t help but laugh at that. She’d gotten the inflection of Pidge’s tone exactly right, the expression on her face exactly right, and looked like a copy-paste Pidge with a tan. While he was sure having two similar gremlins in the household was going to become seriously exhausting further in the future—and life-threatening—he was actually glad they were so alike.

Pidge had at one point in her pregnancy been terrified that their daughter would grow up hating her, but she and Nova got along swimmingly, even when they butted heads. She resembled Pidge quite a bit and was just as inquisitive and just as much a troublemaker and her behaviour made her a nightmare in her class. He could see plain as day that Nova had no filter—just like Pidge—and did whatever the hell she wanted—just like Pidge—and he anticipated many more phone calls from her kindergarten teacher in the near future.

Pidge blamed him for those traits. But he was _positive_ this was all from her.

As if on cue, Pidge eyed him sideways. “This trickster goofball stuff is from your side of the family, you know? She has your personality.”

“I’m sorry, but that snark? I’ve said this from day one: if she got any troll genes from anyone, it was definitely you.”

“C’mon. Let’s go electrocute this fake monster anyway.” Pidge ignored him and stuck out her tongue as she turned to leave, and Nova started cheering about presents. “Prove once and for all I can kill monsters better than you.”

“Keep dreaming, babe,” Lance teased. “I’ve been in the monster killing business for years. You were inducted in the society last month.”

Pidge waited until Nova had rested her head on her shoulder and subtly flipped Lance off with her free hand as she walked out, much to his amusement.

While waiting, he heard Pidge make some kind of battlecry and something heavy got knocked over while the two of them stomped around. Nova kept bursting out in fits of laughter, and from the occasional thuds, he just knew things were getting thrown about everywhere.

(Things he would probably end up having to clean up).

Lance shook his head with a smile, scratching at his stomach and listening for the moment Pidge felled the monster. Shortly after, she sang the victory song from Killbot for killing one of the big bosses. And then their footsteps padded out of No’s room, and he heard them head down the hall to the living room.

Honestly, the more time went by, the more his arousal became a dull reminder in the back of his mind. Getting interrupted like that was par for the course now, and while unpleasant, Lance’s body had clearly adapted to it because he no longer suffered so extensively when things like this happened. He didn’t anticipate anything else happening that night, the feeling only augmented when five minutes passed. And then ten minutes. Ten became fifteen became twenty, and by thirty minutes, he felt filthy elf sex with Pidge had definitively been extinguished for the night. As dramatic as it sounded, that short moment they’d had to enjoy each other was nearly a distant memory now.

Lance craned his ears to listen for any noise from either of them, but it was largely silent. Pidge hadn’t come back yet, but he couldn’t hear Nova’s excitable chattering either. With a sigh, he stepped off the bed, dropping the suspenders and pulling his shirt back on after tugging the fake beard under his chin.

He treaded down the hallway, popping his head in Nova’s room for a second, but the lump of her body in her bed wasn’t there. Lance walked on, trudging quietly into the living room only to find Pidge half-snoring on the couch, and Nova partially hidden under the tree. There was a haphazard pile of gifts near her legs, and she was rummaging around for more. Every few seconds, she’d take another wrapped gift and shake it, ear pressed to it and a frown marring her heart shaped face. She crawled around the side of the tree and found the surprise wrapped giant stuffed teddy Lance had hidden in the back corner. And then started to peel off the paper enclosing the gift.

As amusing as it was to watch, she was clearly being sneaky as hell. And plus, this seemed like a prelude to her knocking the tree over again. They were three years running. He really didn’t want to make it a fourth.

“Busted~” Lance muttered playfully, walking over and grabbing her ankles to pull her back out from there. She squealed, trying to grapple with the carpet and crawl back under the tree and failing. He held her upside down by both ankles, raising a brow when she wiggled and swung around, laughing. “Whatcha doing there, No? Trying to open a gift?”

Nova went totally still, letting her arms and whole body dangle dramatically, flopping and pretending to be asleep with loud fake snores.

“Cute.” He held her up higher when she cracked open an eye, saw his face, and gasped. “But that’s never worked on Mommy, and it’s not going to work on me.”

“Mommy said I could open up my first gift.”

“Considering your reaction just now, I highly doubt that’s true, you lying little monkey.”

“Well poop the darned fucknuggets,” she swore, folding her arms in front of her chest staunchly.

Lance folded his lips in quickly to stop from encouraging her with an amused reaction. While he knew he was responsible for her picking up _fucknugget_ , he had no idea what that phrase was even supposed to mean, and it was so outlandish it was hard for him to keep a straight face. Lance was positive Pidge would kick his ass if she ever found out where Nova had picked it up from though. Just to make sure, he glanced over his shoulder, but Pidge was still conked out on the couch, her leg jerking a little and face pinched a bit in discomfort.

Nova squirmed to get down, and he set her back down carefully until she was crawling on her stomach. She scrambled to her feet and lifted her arms to Lance pleadingly. Her eyes shined the way they always did when she wanted something, plush cheeks puffed out in a pout. Lance hoisted her up, wondering when she’d learned how to manipulate that side of him that made him weak to his little girl’s demands.

“The presents will be there in the morning, you know?” He yawned, long forgotten fatigue catching up to him again. She tried to stick her finger in his mouth, and Lance pretended he was going to take a chomp off of it until she snatched her hand away with a giggle. “So what do you say you go to bed and actually sleep this time?”

“There’s nothing simulated about sleeping.” She pointed out matter of factly, her inflection yet again matching Pidge to a T.

“Stimulating.” Lance corrected fondly, though she tilted her head and gave him a confused look. “I see Mommy took you with her to the labs again.”

“We went yesterday with Shiwo. He gave me some candy! And he said I’m very smart.” Nova curled up in his arms, one small hand clutching the hairs at the back of his neck as he headed out of the living room to take her to her room. She sniffled, the trail of snot on her upper lip disappearing in her nose for a second before it began to trickle out again. “So why won’t people listen to me?”

“Who’s not listening to you?”

“Miss B. I have bones to pick up with her. She says a stark brings babies and that Santa will send one if I’m good but that’s dumb. First of all, you and mommy _are_ Santa. And second, mommies poo babies out into the toilet, duh. And I already know babies come from the private sex time like when you and Mommy scream when you wrestle. But when I told Miss B she got mad that I tried to make it my show and tell. I was only trying to help _her_ understand. Is she hopeless or what? It’s so hard being the smartest person in my class.”

She sighed dramatically and shook her head like it was such a damn shame, and Lance laughed, running a hand through her hair to fix up the glittery, tangled pixie cut. He and Pidge were used to her long rants about everything and how much she loved to talk, but he wasn’t surprised her teacher wasn’t quite a fan. Nova was just as annoying as Pidge was when she was determined to correct something wrong, and Lance loved seeing it every day.

“Is there any part of your childhood left, Pigeon?”

Nova patted his cheek consolingly. “I’m grown up now. You gotta learn to deal with it, man.”

“Duly noted.”

“So. Grown up to grown up,” she said, folding her hands on his shoulder as if they were in a business meeting. “When Mommy won the wrestling today, you put a seed in her, right? A baby boy? How does it reach the egg? Is that why she beat you this time?”

“ _Jesus_ ,” he muttered under his breath. This was not how he wanted the start of his Christmas to go.

“Jesus won’t help you. Answer my questions.”

Lance loved that she was always so inquisitive, but he’d struggled when Pidge had started this conversation with Nova a while ago, and he still struggled to answer now when she had her questions about it. It was their fault for being careless and getting caught in the kitchen, and now Pidge refused to withhold any information Nova wanted, but she was the type who got fixated on things and never let them go until she was completely satisfied with the response. And abrasive in the way she sought her answers.

Like he said: a Pidge clone.

“Well, you don’t know if it reached the egg. It’s like a lottery. Chance,” he said, bumping her up on his hip when she slid down a bit in her excited squirming. He pushed open her bedroom door, taking care not to trip on the clothes and toys strewn all over her floor. “You either hit the jackpot or strike out. And then it’s pretty much 50/50 for whatever you get.”

She was still frowning like she didn’t understand when he plopped her down on her bed. “So I do get a baby brother or what? Where’s he at?”

Lance lifted her legs, shifting them as he pulled up the covers so she was under her quilt. “Is that why you wanted to open your presents?”

She didn’t have much on her list actually. And thankfully, nothing humongous they couldn’t afford to get her with Pidge’s limited salary teaching a grad course while finishing her thesis. And though Lance was making more in his last year of residency, it wasn’t like they were rolling in dough. He and Pidge had gone to state schools for cheaper, but the loans had racked up. With the monthly charges on rent and all the car shit and the lengthy expenses that came with raising a kid, they weren’t currently making enough to put any real dents in their debt. Still, they were comfortable enough and managed to get Nova what she wanted most. Except the number one thing:

A baby bro.

“Why a brother?” Lance muttered, mostly to himself, setting upright the lamp Pidge had knocked over.

“I wanna test subject like Shiwo too!” Nova sniffled, snorting up the trail of snot on her lips. She wiped the rest off with the back of her hand though she smeared it on her chubby cheek. “Mommy said I got everything on my list. I tried to find him. Were you making my brother?”

But Lance was still stuck on what she’d said earlier.

“She really said everything?” Lance’s brows furrowed as he sat on the edge of her bed and distractedly fluffed her pillow.

“And she also said it was a secret.”

“Huh.”

“Please can you let me open a gift? Please, please, please?” She clasped her hands together and blinked up at him, eyes wide with that innocent look she always adopted when she wanted something. “I promise it’ll be our little secret.”

“You’re not very good at keeping secrets. I need payment first.” He pretended to think about it, narrowing his eyes and leaning in conspiratorially like some shady guy selling stuff. “What are you willing to trade for it?”

Her nose scrunched up. “My homework.”

“I didn’t even like doing homework in school. What makes you think I would want yours, you goose?” Lance knocked her forehead lightly with a knuckle when she whined and kicked her legs in a mini tantrum. “No deal. I’m not risking Mommy’s wrath. She’s the only person who scares me.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot and keep getting grounded.”

“Who’s the one who cooked her doll in the microwave?”

“I’m five!” Nova threw her hands up in exasperation. “I’m opposed to do dumb stuff. What’s your excuse?”

She started cackling when Lance playfully covered her face with his hand and mushed her head back onto her pillow. Still, she had a point, he supposed…

“Alright, enough playing around now. It’s way past your bedtime.” He stood from the edge of the bed and tugged the cow head hood back over her fluffy head of hair. He fixed her blanket around her, pulling it up to her neck and then fastening both sides tightly under the mattress just the way she liked. “I’ll see _you_ in the morning, bright and early. We’ll even make your favourite: double chocolatey chip peanut butter and banana cavity pancakes with sugar high whipped cream.”

She hesitated, face twisting uneasily. “…You’re cooking though, right?”

Lance snorted at that. “Yupp. I promise there won’t be any ER trips on Christmas.”

They wouldn’t be making _that_ mistake again.

“Are you working at night again?” Nova asked as she curled onto her side, obvious displeasure lingering in her tone, and Lance’s guilt came back heavily.

“Just once more later tonight. And then I’ll be done with nights for this rotation so we can read stories again.” He pulled a tissue out of the box on her nightstand and held it to her nose. “Blow.”

She always had a habit of straining while blowing her nose, and Lance chuckled when she let slip a little wind and muttered oops. He cleaned off the side of her face too and tossed the used tissue before arranging her stuffed bears just the way she liked them so she had a perfect halo surrounding her head. Then he brushed the strands of soft hair from her face and pressed a wet, juicy kiss on her cherub cheek. She smiled, wrapping her arms tighter around Lance the shrivelled head and snuggling into a ball in her cocoon.

“Make sure to be extra nice to Mommy, okay?” Nova mumbled, her voice garbled now that she was slipping into sleep. “She missed you a lottle yesterday.”

He was sure his heart broke. “Okay. I promise.”

Lance stroked his hand gently through her hair until her eyes drooped shut and she had settled into a comfortable sleep. He leaned down and kissed her cheek once more before heading back to the living room.

He knew there were a lot of sacrifices to be made during his residency, and while his final year was monumentally easier to handle than his intern year, it didn’t make it any easier to be losing precious moments and holidays with his family. He could deal with the tragic hours on a weekly basis, and he loved his adorable patients, but this part—the part where all the fun holiday moments were interrupted with him rushing off to go to work—clawed at his heart. It was rough for all of them and stressful. And if Pidge was supposedly pregnant, he couldn’t imagine how she was handling her emotions during this time.

When he stopped at the edge of the living room, Pidge was sitting up, awake on the couch and stretching her arms tiredly. But when she heard his footsteps shuffling in, she leaned back, closing her eyes and pretending to snore.

“Wow.” Lance busted out laughing. “Taking a page out of No’s book?”

“She wore me out.” Pidge glanced up at him tiredly. “Is it such a crime that I want to be carried too?”

Lance hummed in mirth and walked around the couch before scooping her up princess style. Pidge burrowed into his chest happily, her hand resting above his heart and an adoring, albeit fatigued smile gracing her lips.

“My hero…”

“I think my Christmas gift is defective,” Lance joked, trekking down the hallway back to their room. He kicked the door shut behind him.

“All sales final,” she countered with a yawn. “Urgh, I feel a little nauseous…”

“…Really? So, uhh, did you have anything that you…” Pidge stared up at him curiously, waiting for him to finish his statement, but Lance chickened out at the last second. Maybe she wasn’t pregnant and Nova had gotten it wrong. Also it was late. This conversation might be best to address in the morning. “…wanted me to do to you tonight? Special Christmas gift before you get my real one.”

“Well actually… you _could_ email Beatrice back an apology for Nova starting up her Cookie Cult pretending to be the Cookie Queen needing offerings of peanut butter cookies again last week. Did you know she also found and brought one of my dildos to school for show and tell and tried to give the class an educational lesson on how babies are made with some fake doughnut toy? Beatrice wants to schedule a parent-teacher conference with us when school comes back, and I’m not going. Nova takes after you too much. You take care of this.”

“As funny as that is… I didn’t make a cult centred around me in kindergarten.” Lance mused, trying his damned hardest not to laugh because Pidge actually looked annoyed. Though to be fair, he _had_ incited a revolution for longer recess time as Playground King way back when. “You should have considered this as a possibility when you taught her all of that. She retains info like a sponge. Anyway, that Cookie Cult sounds like it’s right up _your_ devious alley. She’s small, but deadly. Sound familiar?”

“We can’t keep debating this forever, you know?”

“I’ll keep debating until you admit she’s your clone.”

Pidge pinched and twisted his nipple in her fingers just enough to hurt so Lance tossed her on the bed without prelude in retaliation. Pidge flailed a bit, squealing as she landed, sprawled on the rumpled covers. There was a smile on her lips though, and he felt his old arousal surge back up when he noted how her bathrobe’s knot had slipped and was revealing how high her dress had ridden up.

“You really are a naughty elf,” Lance muttered darkly, taking off the Santa beard and getting up on the bed. “I feel like you need to be spanked.”

“As much as I would enjoy that, it’s kinda late, Lance…” Pidge eyed the nightstand clock, though she didn’t do anything to push him away when he nipped at her neck, dropping idle kisses where he knew she was most sensitive. He shrugged the bathrobe off her shoulders slowly, pleased again to see that incredibly arousing elf dress. “Neither of us will get enough sleep if we start this now.”

“Fine. I’ll just wait until your school comes back in session.” He dragged his hands along the outside of her thighs, hiking up her dress along with his hands and grasping her ass. “I’ll just drop by your work during lunch and we can make up for tonight then. Better cancel any meetings with students or they’ll be in for a pretty rude scene of you being bent over your desk. And I’m not stopping if we get caught.”

“That sounds… _mmm_ … nice.” She sighed, tilting her head when he sucked on the skin low on her neck.

“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have sex with a teacher. Guess my old daydream will be coming true soon.”

“I love you…” Pidge murmured happily, tilting up his chin to catch his lips in a slow, proper kiss. “Merry Christmas.”

“And I love you.” Lance dropped another kiss on her lips, then her chin, along her jaw, down her neck, nipping her collarbone as he kept going lower. “Forever and always.”

“I’m supposed to do stuff for you,” she mumbled, her hand resting lightly on his hair.

“You’ve done more than enough for me by wanting to be with me for the rest of our lives, hermosa.”

She made a nondescript noise in response. Lance continued his torturously slow path down her abdomen but when he placed a lingering kiss right below her navel, above her downy curls, he heard a soft snore. Frowning, he glanced up, a bit affronted and thinking she was messing with him and saying he was boring her or something. But her eyes were actually closed, face settled in a peaceful expression, mouth a bit open, and chest rising and falling slowly in time with her deep breaths.

Pidge had actually fallen asleep on him.

“Well poop the darned fucknuggets…” Lance rubbed the back of his neck, disappointed but not surprised.

It was for the best anyway. The rest of the day was going to be way too busy for them to be working at half-mast. They needed all the energy they could for when their little munchkin woke up. Plus he knew they’d both been dreadfully tired this entire month, so getting some sleep wasn’t such a bad idea. Besides, he had eleven more days for Pidge to make it up to him eventually.

Lance shuffled her body carefully so as not to wake her, curled up behind her, and then pulled the covers over them. Planting a kiss to the back of her neck, he tugged her to his chest, wrapping himself around her and holding her tight. With a yawn, Lance settled himself in for a good night’s rest.

Maybe he wasn’t having the mindblowing sex he’d been hoping for tonight, but curling up under warm covers with the love of his life was more than enough of a Christmas gift for him.

“Merry Christmas, mi amor.”

**Author's Note:**

> (edit 15.01.20) --> fixed title


End file.
